Four important lessons as a proud parent of a child with autism

I have always found hearing about other people’s experiences so rewarding, particularly during challenging moments. So ahead of World Autism Understanding Day on Saturday 2 April, I wanted to share a personal story about my brilliant son, Josh.

My wife Alicia and I have our hands full with our four wonderful boys. As our boys have grown, they’ve experienced the typical growing pains that most kids do. The friendships, the fights, good old sibling rivalry – and sometimes, questioning why they’re different.

My eldest son Josh has asked this question more than his brothers. Josh is filled with many talents and superpowers, including an incredible imagination, an outrageous sense of humour, and a massive heart. And, he is autistic.

Josh has always found peer relationships harder than most. And as he’s grown older, he has really questioned, why?

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your child struggle to make friends. It’s hard when they’re not invited to birthday parties or sleepovers. Over the years, it’s been tough watching Josh’s brothers so easily skip out the door to play footy or just hang out with friends, without Josh. But not as tough as it’s been for Josh.

As a parent, all you want is for your child to be understood, accepted, and valued for who they are.

On World Autism Understanding Day, as a parent of a brilliant young man with autism, I wanted to share four important lessons that have helped Josh, Alicia and me on our journey together.

1. Embrace and utilise help and support

I’ve never been afraid to offer support; however, accepting help for something so personal and close to home didn’t come as naturally. It was a journey.

I can’t tell you how much of a difference it made for all of us when we finally did seek and accept help. It was heartening to hear from other parents, who would openly share their experiences with us. We spent time finding a wonderful professional who was a good fit for our family. And we found so many resources online that helped us to better understand, accept, appreciate and support Josh in the way that he deserves.

2. Communicate openly and honestly

Open and transparent communication has been so liberating. It has really allowed us to better understand one another and make progress as a family. As a family, we discuss regularly how we feel we’re doing, what’s working, what’s not working, and what we should do next.

We extend this well beyond the home. We regularly communicate with new teachers to explain Josh’s strengths and challenges. For example, for Josh, lack of eye contact doesn’t mean “I’m not listening”, and simply communicating this with his teachers has helped immensely.

So, open communication, combined with a willingness to listen and learn, is critical.

3. Make mental health a priority

The number one priority for our family is looking after our mental health, and for Josh to be happy.

It’s natural to worry about the things that aren’t going well, but keeping things bottled up doesn’t help you or the people you care about. It’s not only OK to feel upset and have real conversations – it’s essential. Creating a safe and open space to acknowledge how you’re all feeling is so important because it allows you to get to the heart of any issues and celebrate the wins.

We have so many priorities and goals in life, but mental health must be up the top of your list to be our best selves. Regular check-ins and real conversations about our mental health has been a game-changer for us.

4. Don’t be afraid of labels

Some people think a diagnosis of autism can be detrimental. For us, it’s the opposite.

After Josh was diagnosed, we were finally able to understand his needs, wants, and challenges better. We were finally able to help him and help others to understand him better. It’s allowed Josh to work with others

For Josh, his diagnosis was liberating. He has thankfully (for the most part) embraced his diagnosis and is a proud and talented young man with autism. So, don’t be afraid of the label – embrace it and normalise neurodiversity and the wonderful things it brings.

I hope that sharing our stories and experiences helps other families in a small way!

Maurice & Alicia