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8 Songs that Will Make Valentine’s Day (Slightly) Less Painful

 

 

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In a world of rampantly abundant PDAs and your social media algorithm’s penchant for showing you distant friends’ engagement announcements, there’s only one solution for the single this Valentine’s Day.

And no, it’s not sending yourself massive bunches of flowers or faking an engagement. (You can’t do that two years in a row, anyway).

It’s listening to music that makes you feel better about life, music that understands you. More specifically, this playlist. You’re welcome. Here’s 8 songs to make V-Day (slightly) less painful, but please be advised some of these songs contain strong or explicit language.


1. Jay Z - 99 Problems



99, not 100. That glass of yours? It’s half full.



2. Dusty Springfield - Dusty Springfield



Because you already took my favourite T-shirt, my rent money and my dignity, what the hell does a little piece of my heart matter in the grand scheme of things?



3. Jack White - Jack White



Love can be a word our editors won’t let us use, and doesn’t Jack White know it. “I want love to, roll me over slowly / Stick a knife inside me / And twist it all around.” Love is the one thing that beats the living bejesus out of you but you keep coming back for more. This is the perfect ‘I hear ya’ song to lick your wounds to.



4. You Am I - Heavy Heart



There are some mornings where you really, genuinely have to assess if it’s even worth getting up to pee. You Am I’s Tim Rogers hit the nail on the head with these lyrics: “Every T-shirt’s got a white stain / I’m loving cigarettes again / I know every tune about guys and girls and hearts and hurts and blues.” Is this your life? You can’t get off the couch, can’t hold a conversation that’s even remotely appealing and can’t remember the last time you washed, no – brushed, your hair? We feel ya. Stay there. It’s not so great outside anyway.



5. Alanis Morisette - You Oughta Know



90s indie queen Alanis Morrisette sings she’s “happy for you” and “wishes nothing but the best … for … you … both” but spends the next three-and-a-bit-minutes screaming oh-so-familiar lines like, “did she know that you told me you’d love me until you died, yes, until you died… but you’re still alive.” Interestingly, no one ever pinned just who Morisette wanted dead, but rumours include Matt LeBlanc (yeah, Joey from FRIENDS) or Dave Coulier (Joey from Full House). The lesson of this story? Watch out if your name is Joey.



6. Kelis - Caught Out There



There are so many great lyrics in the song, but our personal favourites for this time of year is the way she unrelentingly repeats ‘I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW’ (caps deliberate, for emphasis). This sentiment could be aimed at a specific ex, or this unfair world in general – either way they are fairly cathartic to sing / scream along to.



7. Beck - Loser



Beck is so cool it hurts (his new film clip has DOGS), he’s made more albums than you could listen to in a weekend but it’s this one song that really sums up being single on the old V-Day: “I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?”

Even if these are the words you whisper softly to passing strangers in daylight hours and the universe as you fall asleep each night rather than an actual death wish, it sums up that alone-as-all-hell feeling pretty neatly. Leave this catchy tune on repeat for full affect.



8. Ben Folds Five - Song For The Dumped



Ben Folds plays the piano here like angry people slam doors, making his message loud and clear. This is a song to turn up loud and be angry with. Or, to play loudly outside your ex’s house on repeat.



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